I went into this film with visions of Conan the Barbarian dancing in my head. Truth, if you like that kind of film — and they are few and far between — this is a moderately worthy addition to a relatively small canon. It suffers a bit from being a spin-off, however.

We first met The Scorpion King (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) in The Mummy Returns>, where he was a sort of a demonic figure. Here, he returns in an earlier incarnation as the Akkadian assassin Mathayus, tasked with getting rid of the conqueror, Scorpion King Memnon (Steven Brand) of the city of Gomorrah (a lovely place surpassed only by its neighbor Sodom, which we don’t see). Memnon has the invaluable aid of a seeress, the lovely Sorceress (Kelly Hu), sometimes known as Cassandra. Mathayus invades Gommorah and attempts to snuff Memnon, but instead succeeds in escaping into the desert with the Sorceress, where they Have Adventures, and eventually return to Gomorrah, with predictable but fun results. Note: the Sorceress assures us through much of the movie that she will lose her prevision with her virginity, like Solitaire in Live and Let Die; but in the end, it turns out that she was only kidding.

The Rock still seems to be a neophyte as an actor, despite many seasons of professional wrestling, a profession in which acting is a mandatory talent; he has only three facial expressions that I could count — innocent, surprised and determined. I pride myself on having seen a future Arnie in Conan; I don’t see a future Dwayne in this film. Ladies may prefer to ignore this dearth of acting capability and concentrate on those rippling biceps and pecs, which are generally out there in full view, if a bit sweaty. Kelly Hu, who has been in TV series and movies for lo these fifteen years now, is a bit better at the acting; perhaps the material is what leaves her looking like a pillar of salt throughout much of the movie. Gentlemen may prefer to ignore this dearth of acting opportunity and concentrate on ample amounts of skin (through much of the film the Sorceress wears something like an ancient middle Eastern cheongsam, with the side slits running up to the neck; at times, she wears considerably less; other ladies in the film invariably wear clothing that is horizontally rather than vertically challenged, and so we also see much midriff).

It’s also very difficult to tell how this works into the history of the Mummy series, since the Rock-Scorpion King of the previous film was a very different person from the Rock-Scorpion King of this film. Oh, well, whoever made this film (or the earlier ones) didn’t care much about history, anyway; although this takes place “before the pyramids”, Memnon has at one time or another conquered Babylon, which if I remember correctly came later. Etc.

I enjoyed the film, and will probably get the DVD when it comes out, but I rather look forward to getting back to Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, Arnold Vosloo and Patricia Velazquez. Maybe next season.