Anybody who knows me will know that I am no gentleman — i.e., I pretty much don’t prefer blondes. Nonetheless, as a teen-aged boy I had something of a crush on Hayley Mills. Where are you these days, Hayley? Apparently your last real role was in After Midnight in 1990, though you did a voice in A Troll in Central Park in 1993… I wish I’d seen you in your starring (though uncredited) role in the 1947 film So Well Remembered (I think your lines went something like “Ga-ga … ga-ga …”), but I do remember you as little Gillie in Tiger Bay. And, of course, as both Sharon and Susan in The Parent Trap some 37 years ago.

The Parent Trap, for those philistines who never saw it, was the story of two young girls, the above-mentioned Sharon and Susan, who meet at a summer camp and find that they bear a striking resemblance to each other; in fact, they are identical in appearance. They soon discover that they are, in fact, identical twins whose parents separated and divorced shortly after their birth, with the mother (Maureen O’Hara) taking one daughter home to London and the father (the late Brian Keith) retiring to his ranch somewhere near Monterey with the other. The girls first switch places so that they can get to know the respective parents with whom they are unfamiliar; then they plot to reunite the parents, in hurry-up mode because father, like all men a slave to his hormones, is about to marry the predatory Vicky (Joanna Barnes).

The Parent Trap, like all such “classics”, eventually led to several sequels, all on TV, all starring Hayley (The Parent Trap II, The Parent Trap III, Parent Trap Hawaiian Honeymoon). Now, with Hayley apparently (like the rest of us) getting a bit long in the tooth, Disney has decided to return to the source material and has redone The Parent Trap with a new young starlet — Lindsay Lohan — taking over Hayley’s role as the redheaded, freckle-faced twins, now renamed Hallie and Annie, and moving father Nick’s ranch to a vineyard near Napa. Otherwise, the story — and, in fact, much of the dialog — is nearly identical with the original version. (The music is different, though at one point one of the twins, entering an elevator, can be heard humming a couple of bars from “Let’s Get Together”, the original movie’s theme song.)

The movie does introduce one additional feature. Mother Elizabeth James (Natasha Richardson) has a butler (character actor Simon Kunz), just as father Nick Parker (Dennis Quaid) has a maid (Lisa Ann Walker, reprising Una Merkel’s role in the original film); naturally, these two will themselves get together, leading to yet another romantic entaglement. On the other hand, the Rev. Doctor Mosby who in the original film was to officiate over the wedding of Mitch and Vicky has completely disappeared — fitting, since who could replace the irreplaceable Leo G. Carroll? Vicky has now become Meredith Blake (Elaine Hendrix), who is referred to behind her back, somewhat incestuously given that this film comes from Disney, as “Cruella Deville”; though she resembles Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction somewhat more. (Joanna Barnes is recycled as Meredith’s mother, and given a special mention in the end credits; Lindsay Lohan’s little brother also makes a couple of cameo appearances, playing a little boy accidentally trapped in a girls’ camp.)

Failings? I’m not totally happy with the timing — in particular, the climactic camping trip is shortened perhaps more than it needed to be, and though the incident with the CGI lizard was inspired, other tricks were reduced or removed (the trashing of Vicky’s tent, for instance) in favor of less inspired ones. Maybe they just didn’t want to hire a bear wrangler. Sadly, Natasha Richardson is far more of a wet rag than Maureen O’Hara could ever have been. Dennis Quaid, on the other hand, looks and acts like a cross between Harrison Ford and Michael Keaton; he is a suitable successor to Brian Keith. Charles Ruggles’ role as the girls’ grandfather (taken over by Ronnie Stevens) has been sadly diminished here.

But, all in all, a fun movie, particularly for those who have not seen the original. AND it’s suitable for kids; the F-word is used several times, but in this movie the F-word is defined as “father”. See it and enjoy.

what is the character of dennis quaid in parent trap?