May 17, 2005

Trashing the Koran

Newsweek has now retracted the story it recently published ― which led to major rioting in Afghanistan, so I understand ― that American guards/interrogators at Guantanamo flushed the Koran down a toilet in an attempt to irk Moslem prisoners.

Have American guards desecrated the Koran? If I were offered a chance to bet on this, I would probably give good odds that, at one time or another, they have. Doing so would cause little or no emotional upset to any Christian (or even atheist) guard, and would probably get a rise out of the prisoners.

Have they flushed it down the toilet? Hint: do the experiment yourself. Christian (or even atheist) guards may have no respect for the Koran, but I suspect that most of them do for their toilets.

My copy of the Koran, which I keep in my bedroom, is bilingual (Esperanto and Arabic). It's also very large, and hardbacked. To flush it down the toilet safely, you would have to perform the two following preliminary steps:

(1) Carve it into relatively small pieces with a power saw;

(2) Feed the pieces, and any fingers you might have inadvertently lopped off in step one, through a blender, preferably in company with a mild acid.

Having successfully completed these two steps, it should be fairly easy for you to feed the Koran (or, if you are a revanchist Moslem and the impulse takes you, the Bible) to your toilet, unless you are thirsty and prefer to add a third step by drinking the result. You won't even have to fear getting your sewer line clogged.

But those who assume that a Guantanamo guard could have simply tossed a Koran into a toilet and flushed it down have to be unfamiliar with either the Koran or the toilet. And if someone intended to irritate the prisoners by trying to do so, I suspect that the irritation would be short lived and would quickly be followed by helpless laughter.

Posted by Don Harlow at May 17, 2005 11:17 AM
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